friendly or friends ?
When you are friendly with someone, you are approachable and polite but you don't actually have to like the person. You may be willing to spend some time with them if it suits you to do so. A friend is someone with whom you choose to build a relationship. They are somebody whom you like and enjoy spending time with.
Should teacher be friend with student?
I used to think teachers could be friends with their students, but then I realized I was confusing “friend” with “friendly.” We can grow closer to students when we share a common interest or work on long-term projects, but in every interaction, we must remain teacher/student, mentor/mentee, not true friend, and this is wise.
Teachers and students can share an equal interest in local sports teams, for example, trading team updates, re-telling great moments in legendary games, and showing souvenirs to each other. These are acts of human connection that are valuable to both parties. Students mature when adults extend these connections, and teachers enjoy the camaraderie and seeing students as more than one more paper to grade.
Notice, though, that the teacher does not take the student out for coffee and vent about office politics. There are topics that are inappropriate for teachers to share with students, and such sharing can undermine learning relationships in the classroom, even when the teacher is already very familiar with the student and his family. There are other dynamics at work, too.
Important distinctions. The clinical social worker Michelle Selby once told me that a teacher disclosing personal information with a student can be helpful when it is to help that student understand something, but never when it is for the purpose of adults filling their own needs, such as when seeking friendship or approval. Her husband, educator Monte Selby, added, “A health teacher can help kids learn about human sexuality, but it is not appropriate for the same teacher to tell kids which student looks sexy or share intimate details of their own sexuality. Those efforts are attempts to fill adult needs, not support student learning.”
While a friend might call us in the middle of the night when something upsets him or her, the teacher who receives such a call from a student must remain the concerned mentor. He should call the child’s parents, health officials, a school counselor, or Child Protective Services after the call, if warranted. In other words, our adult responsibility for the welfare of the child supersedes any element of friendship forged.
Kids want teachers to be grown-ups. Some teachers dress and act like their students in an effort to ingratiate themselves with students. The opposite happens, however. Students prefer teachers to be adults, not overgrown versions of themselves. Students gravitate toward teachers who inspire them to become something more than they are today, not extensions of their current condition.
Sure, teachers clown around from time to time, but the better teachers remain clearly adults, facilitating learning, offering insight, and representing larger society as students try on new vocabulary, behaviors, fashions, and politics, always watching how we respond.
It’s important to be friendly. I am a better person for having been influenced by the strong character and insight of some of my students over the years. When they became adults, a few of them moved into my circle of good friends. With Facebook turning the word “friend” into a superficial commodity these days, true friendship seems diminished and uncertain. In an increasingly connected world, we can’t afford a policy of, “Teachers may never be friendly with students,” but we can help teachers and students recognize clear boundaries rightfully established in successful teaching-learning relationships.
No comments:
Post a Comment